Here we continue our series and allow writer Chandler Cook to have a crack at plumbing the depths of awfulness. This one has shades of Peter Shaffer…
Horse Horse Heaven
By Chandler Cook
There once was a boy named Ted. Ted liked horses. Ted liked horses so much he loved horses. Ted loved horses.
The horses were Ted’s god.
“It’s me horses, I love you.”
“We love you too Ted, kiss us.”
Ted kissed the horses. He braided their hair and put flowers in them. Ted’s head was filled with horses, he thought about them all day long in his brain and he never wanted to be away from his horses, especially the pretty brown one Ted called Queen Horse because she was royalty of Horse Land and she liked to be called that so Ted called her that and Ted was happy because the horses were happy and so was his best friend Mabel who was a cloud shaped like a horse.
But Mabel wasn’t really happy she was actually a bear who just looked like a horse cloud. Mabel was angry because Ted never told her jokes anymore.
“Tell me a joke” Mabel said.
“No,” Ted said, “I’m worshipping the horses,” he said, “especially the pretty brown one called Queen Horse because she likes it.”
“You’re a horse now Ted.”
And Ted was a horse. Ted galloped to the horses and told them he was a horse then they said he was a horse and he was a horse so he was a horse.
Ted was a god now. Ted was an angry horse god because Mabel didn’t believe in horses and neither did his mother who he hadn’t seen since he became a horse.
Ted killed everyone because he was mad at Mabel. Mabel was a bear so she ate Ted and then Ted was dead.
P.S. Ted came back to live with Mabel and they had babies.