A Wizard, a Rock Star and an Alchemist Walk Into a Parallel Universe

Addison Alchemist

And here’s what to do if you find yourself in such a situation:

A) If you are the wizard

  1.  Realize that this is probably your fault.
  2.  However, if you are a somewhat unstable wizard, seek similarly unstable companion-wizards. A consortium of this kind tends to wake up sleeping orcs, which will alleviate boredom.
  3.  Once you’ve got a suitable wizarding cadre with the requisite number of wicked creatures in pursuit, go find a rock star.

B) If you are the rock star

  1. Sigh and say, “Oh, no, not again.”
  2. However, if you are a demon-slaying rock star you must act nonchalant, so that any demons you encounter can be lulled into unwariness. Tell the demons you are a country singer. Tell them you play the fiddle and just made a Faustian deal with their boss.
  3. Realize you want out of the deal. Start looking up alchemists in the Yellow Pages (since you are in a pre-technological era.)

C) If you are the alchemist

  1. Search your pockets for the Elixir of Life, which you realize with dismay was left in a previous parallel universe at exactly the moment you had located it.
  2. Begin your life’s work over again. Plunge into despair when you remember the long centuries searching for the Elixir. Question the purpose of your existence.
  3. Notice that you are being followed, nay energetically chased by a demon-slaying rock star, several demons, a conclave of eccentric wizards and at least twelve orcs. Begin to be vaguely happy, then solidly optimistic, then delirious with joy.

 

If this is not the way your weekends usually go, consider signing up for EpicWrite, taking place May 17 and 18 at Camp Huston.